Finding Myself
by Padfoot Lives
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more . . .
1. The Wish

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series (tragically and unfortunately ;-))   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
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~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter One: The Wish   
  
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It was a cold autumn's day in the Gryffindor common-room and Remus Lupin found himself assaulted (as usual) by the unquenchable boredom of one of his best friends.

"Sirius," he said, slowly and calmly. "If you continue to tell me how unbearably bored you are, I'll have to suggest that you conjure a bucket and dunk your head into ice-cold water."

This brief speech, delivered from behind the pages of a dusty, old book, drew a grin from his companion. Sirius Black, handsome, restless and 17 years old, groaned. "But it's so damn - "

"Boring. Yes, I'm well aware of your feelings at this point, Padfoot, thank you."

"But - "

"All right!" Remus slammed the book shut, resigning himself to failing his NEWT levels, and looked at the other Marauder with shrewd brown eyes. "Until James gets back from whatever excursion he's taken with Lily, I'll do my poor best to entertain you."

"Tell me something, Padfoot." Remus said with a slight frown. "Restless as you are, why haven't you agreed to join the Order of the Phoenix yet. Peter, James and I have already told - "

"I'm a Black!" Sirius spat out bitterly. "Try to imagine what veterans like Moody, Gideon Prewett, Vance and the like will do if I dare to set one foot on Order territory. They've seen my family's work first-hand, especially that of Bellatrix, Regulus and Narcissa too."

"Don't be ridiculous, Padfoot, they know you're nothing like the rest of them! Besides, since when are you afraid of what people think. I'd have thought you'd take an opportunity to duel with and hex Alastor Moody like you did Fabian Prewett last summer, and earn his respect like you did Fabian's."

"Yeah, well."

Sirius could see that had intrigued Remus, and he resigned himself for a perceptive interrogation.

It came.

"Okay, Sirius, spit it out," Remus said in his gentle tone. "What's _really_ keeping you from telling Dumbledore that you'll join the Order like he asked you to?"

Sirius sighed. It seemed so ridiculous - how was he supposed to admit it - ?

"I'm wary." he said quietly.

"Scared?" Remus raised an eyebrow understandingly.

Sirius scowled. "_Wary_. There's a difference. Look, Moony, you know as well as I do that I would gladly fight the Death Eaters and Voldemort right to the death if that's what it took, but - but I'm not prepared to risk your lives, to watch any of you get hurt or die. If anything happened to James or you - "

"Hey!" Remus cut in. "It isn't your responsibility to look after us, Sirius, and it isn't up to you to bear that kind of burden. You're supposed to be the reckless prankster - " they both grinned " - and you're supposed to keep us on our toes like you do everyone else. We're all willing to take the risk, and we've watched out for and survived your most dangerous tricks in the past, so nothing you do could ever put us in danger. Understand?"

"I just wish - " Sirius sighed heavily, flicking his wand through his fingers absent-mindedly. "I just wish I could find out - I could see - just a little - of what's in store for us - so that I could know - "

His fingers suddenly tingled with warmth and he realized too late that he seemed to have cast a spell.

"Padfoot - " Remus frowned, confused as he saw what was happening.

The wand emitted a shower of blindingly bright sparks and Sirius felt his head spin. The entire room was spinning - he was flying - he was falling - his feet hit the floor again and slowly, the sparks began to clear.

When he found his eyes working properly again, he realized that he was standing, not in the Gryffindor common-room, but in Dumbledore's office.

Merlin's beard, how had he managed THAT?

Dumbledore was standing by a closet in the corner of the room, his back to Sirius, and he seemed to be peering down into something shiny inside the closet. Sirius shifted uneasily, not sure how he was supposed to explain to the Headmaster that he had just _Something-ed_ into his office.

Quite unexpectedly, Dumbledore straightened up, obviously having heard the sound of Sirius's feet thudding to the floor. He closed the closet door and turned around slowly.

As Dumbledore's face and eyes came into view, Sirius was startled beyong words by how tired and saddened the great wizard looked - and how suddenly older he appeared.

Then there was, of course, the expression of utter shock on Dumbledore's face. In fact, judging by the pallor of the man's skin, Sirius wouldn't have been surprised if the un-stump-able Albus fainted right then and there.

"Uh - sir?" he cleared his throat. "I - sorry - I don't know how I - you can't Apparate in Hogwarts, I know - so - sorry."

There was no response. Dumbledore just stood there, looking unaccountably weak, that sadness lingering deep in his blue eyes that normally twinkled. Sirius felt apprehensive. What had happened to cause such weary sorrow?

"Professor - are - are you all right?"

Finally, Dumbledore spoke, looking a little calmer, but no less shocked and pale: "S-Sirius?" he uttered, his voice very strained and hoarse.

"Uh - that was my name last time I checked, sir." Sirius made a feeble attempt to lighten the sudden strain. "Sirius Black." he clarified. He glanced around the room, noticing that a lot seemed to have changed since he'd last been in here. "Do I look different or something, sir?"

"I think - we might - safely say that, Sirius." Dumbledore finally moved and came towards Sirius. Sirius was rather astonished when Dumbledore put his hands on his shoulders and squeezed, a rather affectionate gesture that seemed to indicate to Sirius that Dumbledore was also checking if he was solid and actually standing there.

"Merlin's beard," Dumbledore breathed, "It _is_ you. Sirius, how - ?"

"I did something with my wand by accident while I was in the common-room, sir," Sirius explained, wondering what the big deal was - surely some other student some time had inexplicable appeared in the office? "And I somehow cast some spell or charm, and everything began to spin - and when I hit the ground again, I was in here."

"Incredible," Dumbledore sounded a little more like his normal self, but Sirius still saw the terrible grief haunting the man's eyes. "That was very, very powerful magic - to cross realms - magical borders in time - "

"Pardon me?" Sirius froze. "Magical borders in WHAT was that, if you don't mind me asking, Professor?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath, and seemed to be thinking very gravely about something. Apparently there was something very wrong and serious about this situation.

"This will come as a shock, Sirius," he said slowly, "But you're not in your own time. I am still the Headmaster of Hogwarts, but you've travelled seventeen years _forward_ in time."

Sirius stared at the Headmaster, not quite sure that he'd heard right. SEVENTEEN YEARS FORWARD?? How was that possible? Was Dumbledore joking? Somehow Sirius doubted that . . . but how?? He looked down at his wand in shock. This was unbelievable - it meant - it meant he was in the _future_!

"Are you seriously telling me that I'm in the Hogwarts of seventeen years after my seventh-year at Hogwarts?" he demanded, forgetting to be polite. "That's pretty cool!"

"I wouldn't say that." Dumbledore didn't seem to mind Sirius's lack of impeccable politeness. "But you're accurate about where you are now. Somehow, Padfoot, you managed it."

"You called me Padfoot!" Sirius yelped. "How do you - who told you - "

"I've been gifted with incredible bits of knowledge over these seventeen years, Sirius," Dumbledore said quietly, sounding saddened again. For a brief second, then, his eyes twinkled like Sirius remembered. "Including a certain ability of yours to become a certain shaggy black dog - "

"MERLIN'S BEARD!"

"Before you grow indignant, perhaps I'd better inform you of the fact that you were the one to tell me all about the Animagi in your year." Dumbledore suddenly because somber again and he sighed heavily. "Dear me . . . what a mess . . . what a mess . . ."

"A mess, sir?" Sirius pronounced rather weakly. The shock of being so far in the future, the implications, as well as knowing that Dumbledore knew about their secret (through _him!_) was getting to him.

Dumbledore sighed again. "You'd better sit down, Sirius, please." (Sirius obeyed, needing it anyway). Dumbledore then walked over to the phoenix (Sirius's jaw dropped - Fawkes!) on his perch and his next words sent Sirius's mind into a complete baffled whirl -

"Fawkes, I'll need you to get Remus Lupin and Severus Snape here in a little while. Before that, please summon Professor McGonagall, Mr Potter, Ms Granger and Mr Weaseley."

  
**   
  
TBC.   
  
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A/n: Please R the idea just struck me, and I was having another moment of grief over the latest HP death, so I had to write this! Please Review!   



	2. Telling the Tragedies

*   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series (tragically and unfortunately ;-))   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
**   
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~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Two: Telling the Tragedies   
  
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**   


Sirius sat in silence, staring at Professor Dumbledore, who sat in his own chair, equally silent. They were both waiting, although Sirius, certain he'd heard Dumbledore murmur "Mr Potter" and "Remus Lupin" and something about a Weaseley too (his relatives, Molly and Arthur?), was thoroughly confused.

Finally, he couldn't take the silence. "Professor," he began slowly, "What in hell - sorry - is going on? Didn't you just ask for James and Remus and Molly or Arthur or something?"

"Not quite, Sirius," Dumbledore said quietly, his voice rather sad. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait and see, but I have to ask you to prepare yourself: who you might meet and what you might find out may come as a great shock and may - upset - you." Sirius observed the note of pain in Dumbledore's carefully measured voice, and felt his stomach clench as he waited impatiently.

Fawkes flew in, and the door of Dumbledore's office opened. Sirius bolted up and turned around to see Professor McGonagall, looking much older than he remembered, walked in. She looked slightly pale, and her stern gaze flickered with something like emotion as her eyes rested on him.

"Bet you thought you were rid of me at graduation seventeen years ago, huh, Professor?" he joked, unable to resist.

She actually smiled, but Sirius could have sworn there was an glimmer of tears in her eyes as she did so. "I don't know why I'm surprised to see you again," she said in her controlled, crisp voice that nonetheless quavered ever so slightly. "There were really no limits to your capabilities - or recklessness."

"Wow, you sure haven't changed." Sirius mumbled with a grin.

Professor McGonagall then stepped aside, further into the room, and Sirius realized that there were two or three other people waiting outside to come in. His brow furrowed as a tall, lanky boy with shockingly red hair and freckles stumbled into the room. The boy was about 17 as well, and looked at Sirius, confusion very evident in his eyes that Sirius was certain mirrored his own expression.

Following the boy was a girl, and a very pretty girl at that. Shiny brown hair fell below her shoulders, shrewd brown eyes were set in a gorgeous face and Sirius couldn't help but notice that despite her Gryffindor robes, her body was well - great. He swallowed and met her eyes, smiling through his confusion, wondering who she was. He was therefore rather surprised to see something flash across her eyes, followed by an expression of tightly-controlled stone.

What was up with these people and the future Dumbledore?

However, Sirius's thoughts were cut short by the entrance of the third and final person. The door closed as Sirius found himself staring at James, only James appeared to be _the same age as he was!_ How on - ?

"James, what the - ?" Sirius's exclamation was strangled in his throat as he realized that he was looking into, not hazel eyes, but a vivid emerald green that were rather familiar. Where had he seen those eyes and why did James somehow have them? Whose - Sirius's eyes suddenly widened. Those were _Lily's_ eyes!

_Merlin's beard,_ he thought dazedly as the boy stared back, pale and incredulous, at him, _This isn't James!_

The silence was suddenly broken by the girl's strangled voice as she glanced from the green-eyed boy and back to Sirius: "I don't - _Sirius??_"

"WHAT?" the redhaired boy gasped and goggled, suddenly going very pale. "THIS IS - " he broke off abruptly. 

"No offense," Sirius said with a grin, glancing at the girl, "But as you can see, _I'm_ not quite from this era, so I don't really - uh - know you."

"I think some introductions might be in order," Dumbledore said quickly, his voice controlled and calm. "Everyone, please sit down." They all sat down in comfortable chairs Professor McGonagall conjured up. "Sirius, you did indeed know these three young wizards - and witch - far, far better than you might believe. And yes, this is Sirius Black - the seventeen-year-old Sirius from the past."

The green-eyed boy looked pale and stricken, like someone had just stabbed him. Sirius was rather alarmed by it, and partly because the boy looked exactly like James in pain. The girl too, appeared to be on the verge of tears, and he wished he could do something or say something to reassure them about whatever they were so upset or scared about.

"Sirius, you are already well-acquainted with Minerva," Dumbledore continued. "This - " he indicated the thoroughly shaken redhaired boy " - is Ronald Weaseley, or Ron as he's better known. You're distantly related to his parents."

"Right." Sirius felt rather surreal meeting the same-age son of cousins who were only a few years older than him in his time. "Molly and Arthur's son."

"This is Hermione Granger,"

the girl, her eyes now shining with tears, managed a weak smile. Sirius was beginning to feel worried. "And this - " he finally looked again at the emerald-eyed James " - is Harry Potter." 

Sirius felt like reality was slipping away from him. _Harry_ Potter? This couldn't be -

"James's son?" Sirius croaked, his face cracking into a smile. "He and Lily got married after all, did they?"

"You became my godfather." the boy finally spoke. His voice was trembling slightly and sounded remarkably like James'.

Sirius stared at him and then looked at the other two, clearly Harry's best friends. "I must have been a bad influence." he mumbled, and was glad to see laughter briefly light up all their faces. "So where are your parents anyway?" he asked. "I wouldn't mind checking out whether Lily's got premature gray after all - it was a bet we always had."

Harry quickly glanced at Dumbledore, his features tightening. Sirius followed his gaze slowly. "What?" he asked, a little puzzled. He looked at the girl, who was stirring in her chair, her knuckles white as they gripped the armrests. "You look pretty smart, Hermione. Think you could tell me what's going on?"

"It's - it's a really long story." she said softly, blinking tears away. "I'm so sorry, Sirius."

Sorry? He was astonished. What for?

"Mr Black, you have to understand that what you're going to hear will change everything for you, and you have to prepare yourself for the worst." Professor McGonagall said.

He looked at Dumbledore and saw that sadness again. Realizing that there was some kind of tragedy that needed to be told, he tried to swallow his sense of foreboding and steeled himself as best he could. 

"Okay," he said with Padfoot-esque bravado. "Spit it out."

There was a long pause, during which the tears slid out of Hermione's eyes and she curled up into her chair and buried her face in her hands. Dumbledore looked at her, then at Harry, and finally met Sirius's eyes once more. He took a deep breath.

"James and Lily are dead, Sirius. Voldemort killed them fifteen years ago, when Harry here was just a baby."

Shock and pain unlike anything he'd ever felt swelled through Sirius and made him choke for breath. James - dead? How could that be? How had that happened? The Order - Remus telling him there'd be no risk - Voldemort - murder - _Oh, James . . ._ Tears stung his eyes but he fought them off.

"Why?"

They told him, explaining Harry's story and how he was famous amongst all wizard-kind, and Sirius listened, feeling increasing amounts of pain and shock.

"And Remus? Peter?" he asked urgently.

"Peter Pettigrew betrayed James and Lily, Sirius. He sold them to Voldemort because he became their Secret-Keeper and used the information placed within him to get them killed. Remus is alive and well, very much a werewolf like you knew him, although he's under severe strain and - grief - right now."

Some part of Sirius, through the horror of Wormtail's betrayal, registered relief that Remus was all right. But grieving?

"And what happened to me?" he finally asked, fighting to stay calm.

Hermione's shoulders shook slightly and Sirius knew she was sobbing into her arms. Harry slid an arm around her shoulders, trying to calm her down, but he looked almost as stricken himself. Ron appeared to be fighting off some kind of pain.

With Minerva's eyes glimmering, Dumbledore told him about how he had been the original Secret-Keeper, how he'd been afraid that if he was captured, James and Lily would be found and so had persuaded the change, how he spent twelve years in Azkaban and escaped only to meet Peter and Remus again in the Shrieking Shack, where Peter had been hiding out as Ron's rat, how Hermione and Harry helped Sirius escape Snape and the Dementors to freedom on a Hippogriff's back . . . 

Shaken to the core by everything he was hearing about his life and what had happened to him, he finally mumbled: "Mighty colourful life I've led, eh? So tell me. When do I meet my haunted-eyed, prison-worn future self?"

  
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TBC.   
  
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A/n: The third chapter will be up as soon as its done, but I kinda need to know whether you guys think I should go on, so please review. Enjoy the story!   



	3. Silence

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
**   
*   
  
~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Three: Silence   
  
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**   


Hermione let the tears flow, terrible, terrible grief spilling out of her. Just seeing him again . . . how did she ever get past the tragedy? How had she ever put it behind her, because even a year and a few months, the pain suddenly felt as fresh and deep as it had the moment she'd heard.

At Sirius's words, she froze and felt her heart stop. Slowly, she wiped away her tears with the sleeves of her robe and looked up, pale, at Sirius's rather lost expression. Of course he wanted to see his future self - other than Remus, it was the only solace he could find now, now that he knew the truth about his best friends.

Her heart nearly broke anew at the thought that little did he know that the present Sirius Black was dead . . .

What was Dumbledore going to tell him?

"I don't think it would be wise to see yourself, Sirius," Dumbledore said finally, his voice catching. "At least not yet. It wouldn't serve any purpose whatsoever."

Ron caught Hermione's eye and she shook her head slightly, warning him not to say anything. She reached out and squeezed Harry's hand - maybe he hadn't fallen in love with his godfather, but he was probably feeling this almost as hard as she was (although he didn't know how deeply she felt it, of course).

"And Voldemort? What's happening with him now?" Sirius asked slowly.

"Voldemort is still rising, stronger than ever even without half his Death Eaters and he's on a murdering rampage - murdering members of the new Order of the Phoenix." Harry told him quietly.

"But Harry almost killed him a month ago and has duelled with him several times." Ron added with a note of pride for his best friend in his voice. 

Hermione saw Sirius crack a smile. "That's great." he said quietly. "I'm pretty amazed, Harry. Your - your dad would have been proud."

Her heart slammed against her rib cage painfully.

"You used - you've said that to me." Harry smiled a little too. "It's good - good to see you, Sirius. It's been a while - in the present." He glanced at Dumbledore, who nodded slightly.

Sirius looked at Harry for a moment and then his shadowed eyes moved to Hermione. As their eyes locked, she felt a powerful surge of - something - that she couldn't quite explain, but it took her breath away in a tide of emotions - love, anger, pain, sadness - she really couldn't put a finger on it. She swallowed hard.

"Do - do you happen to know what happened to - my family?" the last words were uttered bitterly.

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Your brother Regulus was killed by other Death Eaters many years ago. The rest of your family, except for Andromeda Tonks, are dead as well - oh, Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy are in Azkaban."

"About time." Sirius muttered bitterly. He glanced up at Professor McGonagall again. "And Bellatrix? And her husband - Rodolphus?"

Hermione shifted uneasily. This was the part she wasn't exactly thrilled about talking about. She saw Ron flash a grin, another one of pride, and even Harry smiled a little.

"Well, Rodolphus Lestrange was cursed irreparably by Remus Lupin in the battle," Dumbledore explained. "As for Bellatrix, she was killed less than two months ago - by Hermione here."

"Really?" Sirius's eyes met hers again and she felt a lump form in her throat. "You must be powerful - well done, I guess, although I almost wish I was the one to take her out - looks like I'm not very glorious at the moment - " he didn't look too puzzled or upset about the fact that he didn't seem to have played a large role in the battle " - but why? Why did you do it, if you don't mind my asking?"

"We've all had something against the woman for a while now," Ron supplied, and Hermione felt rather grateful, although Ron had no idea how much he was covering up for her. "She did - something - unforgivable to us."

Sirius looked like he might ask what Bellatrix did, but luckily Professor McGonagall intervened quickly by turning to Dumbledore. "So what does he do now, Albus?" she asked. 

Dumbledore looked at Sirius thoughtfully. "Nobody else will recognize him, Minerva, except a few of the teachers, but that won't matter. We'll make him an honorary Gryffindor transfer student until we can find a way to reverse the charm he cast."

"Cool." Sirius mumbled with a weak smile.

"Remus will be here soon, and so will Severus. You can see your old friend when he gets here."

Sirius's smile grew a little at that, and then he stood up to let Professor McGonagall take him to Gryffindor tower and get him settled in. Hermione was about to stand up as well when Dumbledore added: "I'd like you three to stay a minute, please."

She sat back down and watched Sirius disappear out of the room with Professor McGonagall. Dumbledore waited until the door had closed before turning to them gravely.

"As you can see," he said quietly, "We are in something of a mess here, and I know it is going to be very hard for the three of you to deal with having Sirius 'back' persay and then losing him again, but we must find a way to restore him to the past as soon as possible."

Harry's face showed a twinge of pain, and Ron shuffled his feet, but Hermione forced herself to start using her head instead of her heart and nodded at Dumbledore. "He'll start asking too many questions if he's here long enough, and one of the other students - or even Professor Snape - might mention something about 'Sirius Black's death' and that will be that." she said in a voice that sounded startlingly calm to her. "I understand what you mean, sir."

"Precisely, Hermione," Dumbledore nodded. "When I saw him - I remembered how much I had always cared about him - " he sighed heavily " - I cannot bear to inflict more pain upon him while he's here, so he cannot know about his own fate. Whatever he asks regarding himself, you three must react with shrewd silence, I'm depending upon that. Harry, you have to understand."

"I do, Professor." Harry assured him, and Hermione could see that he did and was glad that Harry looked like he might get through this all right. Besides, she supposed (with as much hope as she could muster) that having Sirius back, even for a few days, would be incredible - and fun.

"But, sir - " she began hesitantly " - Telling him about Harry's parents - and Wormtail - "

"I know what you mean," Dumbledore agreed, while Harry and Ron nodded in agreement as well. "Before he leaves, I'll have to do a careful Memory Charm on him so that he forgets what he knows now. We cannot mess with time and let him stop what happened, no matter how much we may want to."

There was a moment's silence, and then Ron spoke up. "Professor?" he asked slowly. "What - where do you think we would have been right now if Sirius hadn't died?"

Hermione clenched the armrests harder, wishing more than anything that the events of the past year and a half hadn't happened.

"As terrible as it is to say it, Ron," Dumbledore said slowly and sadly, "I believe - in fact, I'm close to saying 'I know' - that if Sirius hadn't been killed by Bellatrix in the Department of Mysteries, we would have ended this battle many months ago. Harry would have been able to kill Voldemort a good amount of time ago, and we wouldn't have lost the people we did since Sirius - Nymphadora Tonks (killed by Rodolphus Lestrange), Alastor Moody (killed by Malfoy), your parents, Hermione, Neville - " Dumbledore's face grew sadder and Hermione's heart clenched horribly as she remembered what had happened to her parents in Voldemort's Muggle-attack in Diagon Alley and poor Neville's death " - and George Weasely." he finished with a look at Ron, who clenched his jaw, grief about his brother's death numbed but still present.

Harry swallowed hard and this time, he squeezed Hermione's hand, who in turn squeezed Ron's. "Yeah, I guess losing Sirius set off a chain reaction that we could have prevented."

"If only I had gotten a message to him sooner, warned him about Kreacher - " Dumbledore sighed sadly. "Oh, well. I suppose we'll never know what the world could have been had the events just run a little differently in the Department of Mysteries. And I suppose things always happen for a reason."

They left the office then, and headed back to Gryffindor tower, with repeated instructions that Sirius, when talking about himself, could get nothing but silence from them.

And Hermione, walking slowly, wondered if she would ever be able to get past the pain of losing Sirius, and the losses that his death had brought upon them.

  
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TBC.   
  
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A/n: Thanks for all the reviews so far . . . please continue and I'll keep updating! Enjoy!   



	4. Laughter, Moony and Snivellus

*   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
**   
*   
  
~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Four: Laughter, Moony and Snivellus   
  
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About an hour after Professor McGonagall got Sirius settled into Harry's dorm in Gryffindor tower (there'd been an empty bed, and Sirius was rather struck to hear that it had belonged to the son of Frank and Alice Longbottom, who were both mad now - and the son was dead), and announced to the other students that there was a new exchange student (Arion White - he chuckled as he thought of the name he'd picked), he returned to the common-room.

Nearly half an hour after that, the portrait hole opened and Harry came in followed by Hermione and Ron.

He was talking to Lavender Brown, whom he was certain was flirting with him, when they spotted him and came over.

"Hi, Harry, Ron, Hermione." she greeted them cheerfully. "This is a new transfer student - Arion White."

Harry hastily turned his laugh into a cough and Sirius grinned. "Nice to meet you." Ron choked out, smirking. "I'm Ron. This is Harry and Hermione."

"You mean _the_ Harry _Potter_?" Sirius feigned awed astonishment and grinned broadly at James's son, who cracked a smile. "Wow, I knew you went to Hogwarts, but I guess I never really thought I'd actually meet you - wow, can I have your - ?"

"Don't lay it on too thick," Hermione, who had collapsed into the armchair next to his, murmured near his ear, sounding amused. He smothered a laugh.

"Where did you transfer from, _Arion_?" Harry asked with a grin.

Sirius was about to answer this (he'd planned out a whole background history for the White family, down to his little sister whose name was Pandora), when Lavender took over for him. "Oh, he transferred from Beauxbatons, but he was there only for a year." she said, batting her eyelashes at him.

He registered some amusement at the fact that Hermione looked positively disgusted at Lavender's behavior.

"Hey, Lavender," she said, her tone slightly irritable, "Isn't Dean calling you?"

"Is he?" Lavender's eyes didn't move from Sirius, who was beginning to feel a little creeped out. Sure, he supposed he'd gotten his share of attention from girls back in his own time, but James had probably been the real star. "Oh, I'd better go then. I'll see you later, Arion."

She sauntered off, and Hermione exhaled sharply. Harry and Ron grinned at each other and Sirius shot Hermione a sideways glance, noticing once again how really pretty she was, and how her eyes, filled with that grief (no doubt from the pain and horrors she'd endured) lit up when she smiled, and her eyes, and her body - 

_Whoa, hold it right there, Padfoot, you don't even belong here! You can't think thoughts like that - especially not about the best friend of James's son! He'd kill you, and what would decent old Remus say? _

"So, Sirius, mate," Ron said, looking rather puzzled. "What is it with the name you've come up with? I mean, where'd you get something like that from? Sure, 'White' I can figure - that's pretty good, by the way - "

Sirius and Harry laughed, and Hermione snorted and said, "Ron, you are the most thickheaded wart on this planet," her tone was matter-of-fact, as if she was speaking to a cute, but very dull child. "'Sirius' is the name of a star constellation - the _dog_, remember? - and 'Arion' is a slightly-altered version of Orion, which is another constellation - _thus_ the link."

"Ah, I see." Ron's face lit up, and he grinned as Harry winked at Sirius, obviously not minding the good-natured jabs from his (sexy) friend.

"Miraculous." Hermione muttered dryly.

"Oh, he's not always so stupid," Harry jumped in to playfully defend his best friend. "Not _always_, 'Mione."

Sirius grinned. He was really beginning to like these kids. A pity they were one generation - eighteen years - apart; they would have made great Marauders!

At that moment, the portrait hole opened, and Seamus Finnigan (at least, that was what Sirius thought he'd introduced himself as earlier), who had gone out a while before, burst in.

"Hey, Harry, guess what?" he said, hurrying over, "Professor Lupin's in the castle. Oh, Arion, he wanted to see you, actually - do you know him?"

"Yeah, my parents used to know him pretty well," Sirius replied, his heart thudding slightly at the thought of seeing Moony - older - again. "I'd better go find him." He stood up and glanced back at Harry, Ron and Hermione. "Do you guys want to come?"

Hermione smiled, and Sirius's heart did a double-flip again. "I think you should handle this reunion alone and spend some time with your old friend," she said with obvious sensitivity. "We'll see Remus in a little while."

He nodded, winked at the two boys, and headed out through the Fat Lady's portrait (she hadn't changed much at all, and had to be silenced by Professor McGonagall because she'd gone into such vapours and excitement when she'd seen him first).

As he walked the hallways, he marvelled at how everything still felt so warmly familiar and how the memories practially came alive everywhere he looked. At the corner, he could almost see James lying in wait with a useful hex to catch Lily off-guard in their fourth year, and by the way, he could see himself, Remus and James chuckling with laughter over the latest prank. Even Peter's small, plump figure popped up in the oddest places, usually flanked by sudden visions of James laughing or Remus shaking his head, torn between amusement and disapproval.

A pang of sorrow struck him. _Damn you, Peter._

Even through the flickering pain, he could still feel the warmth, laughter and safety that the castle always represented to them. Even with Voldemort rising stronger than ever nearby, and all the ordeals the current Order of the Phoenix had fought, that feeling was still here.

_I guess it's true when they say the more things change, the more they stay the same . . ._

Five minutes later, he found himself knocking at the door of an office on the third floor. There was a "Come in" and he pushed open the door and headed inside, shutting the door behind him. Obviously, Dumbledore must have briefed Remus, so Sirius grinned at Remus's back (he was facing the window) and said, "Still howling at the moon, old pal?"

Remus turned around, and Sirius was struck by how tired he looked. He was thirty-four, Sirius knew that - he and Remus had both been one year younger than James - yet he looked rather older, with his sandy hair graying at the temples and his eyes wearied by strain. However, this all vanished in the beaming smile that lit up Remus's amazed eyes.

"I don't believe it, Padfoot, I really don't!" Sirius found himself being hugged by the man and grinned. "It's really you! How in hell did you manage it!"

"You always said I was capable of anything, Moony," Sirius countered, staring at the older man in wonder. Seventeen years - wow! "Pretty cool, meeting again like this, huh? Bet you'll have a story to tell my future self when you see him - have I changed much?"

A spark of sadness seeped through Moony's carefully controlled features. "No, Sirius," he said with his quiet smile, "You never changed, even after the years in Azkaban."

"At least I escaped." Sirius winced at the thought of being in that prison. "Good to see you, Moony."

If he hadn't been certain of the fact that Remus Lupin never cried, Sirius could have sworn right then that tears shone in the man's eyes. "I can't begin to describe how good it is to see _you_, Padfoot," he said, his voice vibrating with suppressed emotion. "I've - missed you."

"Where _have_ I been?" Sirius demanded, curious. "Harry also said that it's been a while since he's seen me. What am I doing right now?"

"I couldn't quite say." Lupin said slowly, and then he flashed a grin. "I never could exactly tell what you were off doing, Sirius, don't you remember?"

He laughed, and then turned at the sharp knock on the door. Remus laid a hand on Sirius's shoulder and murmured "Don't get reckless now, Padfoot, remember he's a grown man now". Sirius felt a sense of severe doom, and it was confirmed when the door opened and Severus Snape marched in.

"Oh!" he barked out, eyeing Sirius up and down with a surprisingly small amount of animosity, although Sirius was ready to hex the man, who hadn't changed much, except for gaining a few wrinkles. "Just when I thought I was rid of you for good, Black, you somehow turn up again!"

"Nice to see you too, Snivellus," Sirius muttered irritably, only Remus's restraining hand on his arm keeping him from pulling out his wand. "You haven't changed much, I'll give you that."

"Neither had you."

"Severus," Remus said warningly.

"You can keep your hair on, Lupin, I have no desire to reveal any details about anything to your young friend here. I hope you find you back, rightfully, in the past soon, Black!" And with that, he narrowed his eyes, meeting Sirius's seething glare. Sirius was momentarily startled by the flicker of - _regret?_ - in the man's eyes. Before he could say anything, though, Snape blinked sharply, replacing the look with a closed-stone expression and turning on his heel, stalked from the room.

Sirius snorted, turning back to Remus. "That was certainly abrupt." he shook his head. "He _really_ hasn't changed."

"Actually, you'd be surprised how much he has changed," Remus said with a rather wry smile. "His tasks and ordeals over the years and recent months have changed him about as much as they've changed the rest of us, but I think the real twitch in his behavior was the - death - a year and a half ago." Remus gulped noisily, obviously fighting back something.

"Who was it?" Sirius asked gently.

"There've been so many tragedies over the past couple of years and months, Sirius," Remus sighed heavily, although Sirius couldn't help but feel that his friend was avoiding the question in a way. "Cedric Diggory was the first, I think, the one who was killed - by Peter - minutes before Voldemort returned. Then there was a chain of horror, including Arthur coming close to death and then cruel, full-fledged deaths - "

"Like who?" Sirius knew the topic was painful, but he felt the need to know, and he also knew that Remus would feel better getting the feelings out.

"Hermione's parents, for one," Remus said rather bitterly. "The poor girl was devastated, but she didn't let it destroy her. In fact, the only time I think she was close to breaking completely was when - but that doesn't matter. There was Tonks - your cousin Andromeda's daughter - Alastor Moody - it hasn't been an easy time, Sirius, and it's not going to get any easier until Voldemort can be defeated and killed."

Sirius reached out, feeling slightly surreal (a 17-year-old giving a 34-year-old best friend reassurance?), and squeezed Remus's shoulder like he always did in his own time. Remus smiled, and that odd glimmer appeared in his eyes again.

"Things will work out, Remus." he said firmly. "I may not be in this era for much longer, but I can tell you that this will end and the pain will eventually end too. I promise you - we'll all - see the light again."

"Will we?" Remus asked quietly, sounding unbearably sad as he looked back into Sirius's concerned eyes. "Will _we_ really see the light again?"

  
**   
  
TBC.   
  
*   
*   
  
A/n: I hope you guys are enjoying the story, and want to see what happens . . . please review and thanks for the encouragement so far!   



	5. Fireworks

*   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series   
  
Note: This chapter contains a little R-rated stuff, although not very much. Just thought I'd mention it.   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
**   
*   
  
~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Five: Fireworks   
  
*   
**   


It was during Transfiguration two days later, (with Professor McGonagall, of course!), when Sirius realized that things - relationships, more like - had changed.

They were doing a NEWT level spell, one that would allow them to Transfigure each other to animals, or to Transfigure themselves. Halfway through the lecture, Professor McGonagall found herself interrupted by a shower of Weasley-Wizard-Wheezes fireworks that cartwheeled around the room.

The Gryffindors howled with laughter, even some of the Slytherins (that year's Transfiguration class took place with both houses together) were fighting amusement, glancing towards the back of the room where Harry, Ron and Sirius were splitting their sides trying not to grin too widely and Hermione was flaming red, both embarrassed and fighting not to laugh.

"Nice one, Ron, how many of those did you manage to swipe from Fred's store?"

"It wasn't me!"

Professor McGonagall's glasses glinted dangerously. "Si - Arion White!" she snapped, glaring at Sirius with that look of hers that he'd always thought would either turn milk sour or make Peter wet his pants. "_Never_ in all my years of teaching - no, there was an exception many years ago - " her eyes narrowed further and Harry snickered - there was no doubt, Sirius thought with an innocent grin, that she was talking about him in his own time, " - Has any student dared to make such a _nuisance_ of himself in my class! Next time, White, detention - for a week!"

Sirius flashed her a grin, no longer afraid of Minerva's wrath or detention, and then smirked at his fellow 'Marauders'. Hermione, he saw, was still bright red - and he had to admit, a slight blush in her cheeks like that was really attractive, especially when it brought all kinds of other things to mind -

_For Merlin's sake, cut that out, you git! Is **everything** about her suddenly so damned attractive?_

Professor McGonagall then began putting the class into pairs to experiment with the spell. She went from row to row, and after assigning Draco Malfoy and Vincent Crabbe to a bench further back, she reached the back row and eyed Harry, Ron, Sirius and Hermione with a mixture of despair and exasperation.

"All right, Potter, you and Weasely get to work over there. Ms Granger, perhaps you can actually get some work out of White and curb his distractions."

Little did she know where his distractions actually lay, Sirius thought bitterly, glancing sideways at Hermione, who winked at him and physically yanked him over to their assigned bench, which happened to be near Malfoy's. Sirius gave the Death Eater's son a dirty look and then turned to Hermione.

"Uh - " he began.

"The incantation, Si - Arion," Hermione said with a smile - a really, really sweet yet sexy smile. Merlin's beard, but he wanted to kiss her. Swallowing hard, he lifted his hand (the one which was noticeably lacking his wand) and gently brushed away a stray lock of her hair, his fingers brushing against her cheek.

She froze, and met his eyes. He was nearly knocked over by the fierce intensity, mingled with confusion, that lay deep inside the brown depths of her beautiful, sparkling eyes . . . he knew she wanted to do exactly what he did . . .

"Ahem."

Hermione jumped and Sirius turned an angry look on Malfoy, who was watching them with an expression of extremely mocking amusement. His thin lips curled in his pale face, reminding Sirius forcefully of Snape, and his glare deepened.

"You want something, Malfoy?" he snapped.

"Just to warn you, White, that perhaps - whatever you're doing - is not wise - not with the long-molared, harlot Mudblood anyway - "

Sirius had his wand out before he even realized what he was doing. Blood was pounding in his ears, and he recognized only anger . . . extremely powerful, intense rage that stemmed from a protective streak he had never known he'd had.

Malfoy paled and turned away quickly, and Hermione tugged on Sirius's arm, sending electric impulses through his body, whispering dangerously close to his ear to calm down.

Slowly, he lowered his wand, more shocked than angry now. Dear God, what was happening to him? Why was he feeling more - more than an attraction, more than suppressed passion - for her? What was _wrong_ with him? There was no way - 

He _couldn't_ be falling in love.

"Sirius?" Hermione murmured gently, jerking him out of his thoughts and forcing him to meet the magnetic heat radiating from her eyes, from the touch of her hand. "Sirius, are you all right?"

"No." he shook his head slowly, his voice coming out hoarse. "I'm going crazy and I don't think I'll ever be all right."

  
***   


She found him in a deserted room high up in one of the towers, sitting in the windowsill and staring out into the star-studded, velvet night. As he heard her soft footsteps approach him, he wryly reflected that he should have known she'd find him.

"Hey." he mumbled, turning his head to look at her. She'd taken off her outer robes and was simply wearing her jeans, trainers and a soft tee shirt.

"Hey," she smiled at him and tossed him a Chocolate Frog. "It isn't much, but you didn't eat dinner." She paused and then asked quietly: "I know finding out what the future holds for you - and your friends - must have hurt."

He smiled slightly. "You know, I always wanted to see a bit of the future. I haven't yet joined the Order of the Phoenix in my time - because I was afraid of losing one of my friends, of risking them like I have way too many times. Remus asked me why I hadn't spoken to Dumbledore about it yet, and I told him that I wished I could just glimpse our futures and see - " his voice broke. "I think I finally realize what I really wanted. I wanted to forget that I was a 'Black', and find myself and who I really was. And I did. I got my wish - inexplicably - but somehow, I managed to get a hell of a lot more than I bargained for."

"Some things couldn't be helped," Hermione responded softly. "Some things were beyond the control of any of us - you included, Sirius. In fact," she paused and then shrugged slightly. "The - event - that hurt us the most, hurt me the most, was one that sprang from Kreacher's doing."

"Kreacher?" Sirius blinked. They had told him about the new Order's headquarters being in Grimmauld Place (typically Sirius bad luck, he thought wryly). "You mean my house-elf Kreacher? That piece of scum?"

He half-expected Hermione to give him a reproving look for that, seeing as how she reacted every time Dobby or Winky were sent on errands in the castle, but apparently, the wretched creature had caused her more hurt than he'd known, because she merely nodded. "We - the Order - trusted him not to reveal our secrets, no matter how sneakily, but he did anyway, and that led to something that changed things for everyone - for me - forever."

"What did he do?"

"That doesn't matter now." She shook her head. She levelled him with an intense gaze. "You can talk to me, you know, if there's something wrong." she added softly. "I'll be here if you need someone."

"Would you want to take back those words if I told you that I seem to be feeling all kinds of things - for you?" he asked, climbing off the windowsill and facing her.

Her expression flickered. "No." she responded slowly.

"Good." he mumbled, and that was that. He couldn't take it any longer, not with her standing less than a breath away from him, and he reached out and kissed her.

There was no way in hell he could have been prepared for the feelings she evoked out of him then. It was hotter than an inferno, faster than a thunderstorm, more powerful than the Weasely fireworks, stronger than waves crashing to the shore. Her hands slid down his arms and slipped under his shirt, blazing hot. He moved lower, kissing her on her neck, feeling her breathing grow more ragged and then she found his earlobe and sent spirals of desire washing through him. With a soft groan, he kissed her harder, deeper, and she responded with the same amount of intensity, same amount of emotion - 

Suddenly she pulled back, and he saw tears in her eyes. "How - how can we do this?" she stammered, her lip trembling. "You - you're going to become Harry's godfather - you're going to leave this time and return - "

"But there's no way I'll ever be able to forget, 'Mione," he said, sliding his arms around her and holding her trembling body closer. "I'll go back and remember, and I'm still here - in the present, remember? - and unless Harry swears never to speak to you again or unless I'm unbelievably unattractive as a thirty-four-year-old - "

"If only you knew." she lowered her face and burrowed into his chest. He could feel her pain, the wetness of her tears, and it stabbed his heart in ways that he couldn't even begin to describe. "You - you don't understand, Sirius."

"I won't forget." he said fiercely, tilting her chin up to make her look at him. "I'll never forget, Hermione, no matter what they do or what happens, and my future self will remember too, when you see him next."

Her mouth trembled again with fresh, unshed tears and this time, he didn't let them spill, but kissed her again and felt her desire and emotion spill out instead.

"I - I love you, Sirius." Hermione choked out, sounding strangled. "Believe it or not, I think I've loved you for a long time now."

The words produced a surge of ecstasy that flowed through him in a wave that he never thought he'd ever feel - and he grinned and hugged her tightly. "I love you too." he whispered. "I always will."

  
***   


Sirius followed Hermione back to Gryffindor tower. They were just talking aimlessly, instinctively avoiding all the painful topics that shadowed their world, just trying to live like teenagers in the rare moments they had - when Sirius caught sight of Dumbledore descending the stairs in front of them.

For a moment Sirius's heart stopped. Dumbledore hadn't found a way back _already_, had he?

"I'm glad I found you both," Dumbledore said with a slight smile at them. "Sirius, we're still searching for a way to reverse your spell, so may I borrow your wand for tonight? Tomorrow's a weekend, anyway."

"That reminds me," Hermione said quietly, glancing at Dumbledore as Sirius handed his wand over. "I forgot to tell you earlier, Sirius, some of the Order are going over to the churchyard in the nearest Muggle village tomorrow - it's an annual thing - to see the graves," her voice grew a little sad, but she looked at Dumbledore again and added, "Do you want to come?"

"I'd like to." he said sincerely, looking from Hermione to the Headmaster, who smiled at him.

"See you tomorrow then, Sirius. Hermione, do you think I could have a word with you?"

"Oh - certainly, Professor." she gave Sirius an apologetic glance and they both bid him goodnight.

He winked and headed off to Gryffindor tower, but before he turned the corner, he was certain he heard Dumbledore say something that sounded strangely like "Good thing _that_ grave isn't in that particular churchyard".

  
**   
  
TBC.   
  
*   
*   
  
A/n: Keep reviewing, will update soon! Enjoy the story!   



	6. Sands of Time

*   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
**   
*   
  
~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Six: Sands of Time   
  
*   
**   


Dumbledore had summoned a couple of the horseless carriages (horseless to Sirius, who hadn't seen death yet and therefore couldn't see the Thestrals) to take them to the churchyard, which was apparently located a couple of miles outside the Muggle village.

Sirius observed his companions as they trundled on their way. In his carriage were Harry, Ron, Hermione and Remus. In the other carriage were Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape (Sirius still couldn't get over the fact that Snape had gotten a teaching 'degree'), as well as Hagrid.

They reached the place by mid-morning. It was an attractive spot, grassy and neat and countryside-surrounded. A large tomb stood by the pathway as they entered the place through a rickety old gate, and they walked around the tomb towards the graves on the far side of the yard.

Sirius felt a strange sense of sorrow overcome him as he stood her, between Harry and Hermione, staring down at the names inscribing the graves - some were old and some were painfully new, and some were starkly familiar, even to Sirius and each was so much more than a name . . .

Gideon Prewett.

Fabian Prewett.

Cedric Diggory.

Sturgis Podmore.

Jack Granger.

Helen Granger.

Alastor Moody.

Nymphadora Tonks.

Neville Longbottom.

George Weasely.

_Merlin's beard,_ Sirius thought bitterly, glancing at his companions as the reality of it all struck him harder than a body blow, _How much has Voldemort done to them all?_

"Sirius," Dumbledore said quietly, coming over to him. "I've found a way to reverse your spell." he laid a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "It's time." His tone was sad, regretful.

Sirius saw Remus blink sharply, and Professor McGonagall fished for a handkerchief. Harry and Ron were shifting uneasily, looking torn, and finally, he looked at Hermione - and his stomach flopped.

She looked heartbroken.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled, taking his wand from Dumbledore. "I won't - forget."

The old wizard told him the incantation he had to mutter to reverse the spell he'd accidentally cast.

Sirius suddenly found himself wondering where he - his future self - was and what was going to happen to Hermione, to him, to them all. He wondered where Voldemort was.

Almost as if the murderer himself had read Sirius's thoughts, there were numerous cracks around them.

Wands were instinctively whipped out and Sirius whirled around to see a tall, pale man standing cloaked not far away from them. His face was truly horrifying, with slits for a nose and glowing red eyes that burned with danger and rage.

"Sirius!" Hermione yelled, turning to him. "Go! You have to go!"

"No!" he was horrified. "There's no way I'm leaving you to - I can't - "

A couple of Death Eaters had appeared as well, and they were grinning menacingly, looking at the members of the Order as if Christmas had come early. Snape, Hagrid and Professor McGonagall had already started duelling and casting Shields.

"Padfoot, you have to leave," Remus said urgently. "Go - before it's too late! You have to go, Sirius, damn it!"

He stared at them, torn, angry, ripped to shreds as he watched Voldemort draw closer. Harry swivelled towards him, and Hermione, watching him, leaped forward to protect him from the blast from another Death Eater.

"No!" he yelled again.

"Go, Sirius!"

"It's the only way for us, don't you see?"

He closed his eyes, hearing their voices rage around him and hearing the cries and yells, and finally let that voice, the one screaming that it was the only way to save _them_ pierce his consciousness. He had no other choice now. Besides, he'd see James again, right . . . ? 

He murmured the incantation.

As he saw the blinding sparks beginning to gush around him, he saw Dumbledore swivel towards him, and in the brief second that their eyes met, Dumbledore pointed his wand towards him and Sirius heard him bellow the conditioned Memory Charm. He felt the powerful blast hit him and felt his body and mind sink into the slipping sands of time . . . but wait - Dumbledore hadn't made his Charm complete . . .

Sirius didn't think any more about that battle or that day because the next second, he had fallen through the sands of time and was gone from his future.

  
***   


"Sirius! Padfoot, wake up!"

Sirius forced his heavy eyelids open and felt a warm hand slapping his face gently. Groaning, he sat up and his gaze focused on Remus, staring at him, his book lying haphazardly nearby. Sirius's wand was in his hands.

"Ungh - what happened?" he rubbed his head, blinking at the seventeen-year-old werewolf.

Remus chuckled. "You knocked yourself out with your own spell, Padfoot, wait till James hears this!" he shook his head. "Honestly, how'd you manage that?"

Sirius rubbed his jaw, feeling oddly out of place. "I - uh - I dunno." he mumbled, climbing back into his armchair as Remus retrieved his own book. "I'm joining the Order of the Phoenix, by the way."

"What convinced you?" Remus's lips twitched.

His breathing was slightly ragged as unrehearsed words slipped out of Sirius' mouth before he realized it. "I found myself."

The other boy's eyes widened in concern, the smile fading slightly. "Padfoot, you all right?" he asked, looking slightly worried. "You're rather pale and you're shaking slightly."

Sirius forced himself to calm down. What was wrong with him? Why was he feeling so - he couldn't even describe it. And yet . . . there were images . . . images embedded in his soul of a girl - with sparkling brown eyes and gorgeous hair, smiling, kissing him - who in hell was this girl??? And why did everything about her seem to radiate from his heart region and not his head?

And there was something else, something very odd fixed into his head . . .

"Uh - Moony?" Sirius began, feeling rather awkward. "Do me a favor, would you?"

"Sure thing."

"Uh - well - unlikely as it may sound, if I was to ever - go back to - uh - 12 Grimmauld Place - would you just keep in mind to warn me to clothe and turn out that miserable house-elf - Kreacher?"

Remus looked, understandably, stumped. "Maybe Madam Pomfrey - " he began.

"No," Sirius insisted. "Something's bang-on about this, Remus, I'm telling you. Just remember to remind me to throw Kreacher out the minute I - go back there - if I ever do."

"Sirius, _where_ is this coming from?"

"I dunno, Moony," Sirius was feeling distinctly saddened and disoriented, "I just know that's really, really important, so matter what - don't forget that, all right?" He tried to banish the image of the girl, and with a heavy sigh, added in a perplexed tone, "When I was - knocked out - I had - I had this really weird dream . . ."

  
***   


Hermione pointed her wand at the Dolohov and yelled "_Immobilis!_" - He keeled over, frozen, and she felt a surge of satisfaction; he had been the one, after all, to take her out of action during their last big battle and prevent her from doing _something_ to help Harry . . . or Sirius.

Her joy was short-lived, however, as thoughts of Sirius came back. He'd been gone minutes, and already the ache was almost too much for her to bear. She gritted her teeth and turned around to face Voldemort. He and Harry were in a face-off, both wands out, unable to quite work against each other, yet ready to defend the user against spells.

Around her, the yells were ceasing. Ron had fallen a long time ago; Hermione's eyes blurred over as she realized she didn't know whether he, Remus and Professor McGonagall, who were all down and motionless, were alive or dead. Snape lay wounded, Hagrid was Stunned by a dozen Stunners at once, and Dumbledore's energy was waning.

And then, a Death Eater leaped towards Harry. Hermione screamed a warning and Harry turned around to cast a blocking charm. In that precious instant, Voldemort pointed his wand and screamed "_Avada Kadavra!_"

Like in slow motion, Hermione saw the jet of green light spring from the wand, heading straight for Harry. And she knew in that instant that there would be no hope for anyone if Harry was to die. She thrust herself into the path of the jet, and felt the terrible swoosh of deadly energy hit her squarely in the chest.

As she collapsed against Harry's yelling frame and heard Voldemort's dim scream of rage, she thought that a world without Sirius wasn't one worth living in anyway . . . a bright beam of light flashed and engulfed her whole.

And then it was gone. Stunned, Hermione found herself standing in front of the graves. Voldemort was nowhere in sight, there were no Death Eaters, Harry and Ron were standing on either side of her, and there seemed to be a lot more people around her.

"Merlin's beard!" Ron's choked exclamation resounded in her ears. She registered his movement as he seemed to throw himself at somebody next to him, somebody who was already being smothered by another identical-looking redhaired boy . . .

"Thank the heavens - or rather, the stars." came Dumbledore's cryptic, grateful whisper from nearby.

Hermione finally let her gaze focus on the minimal number of the graves lying before her, and what she saw made her certain she was dreaming.

Gideon Prewett.

Fabian Prewett.

Cedric Diggory.

Tom Riddle.

And then - _nothing._

  
**   
  
TBC.   
  
*   
*   
  
A/n: Keep reviewing, will update soon! Enjoy the story!   



	7. Dear Stars Above

*   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
**   
*   
  
~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Seven: Dear Stars Above   
  
*   
**   


_Sweet Jesus_, Hermione thought, her mind spinning uncontrollably. It _couldn't_ be!

Yet there was George, bewildered and laughing with Fred and Ron, apparently believing that they were pulling some prank by telling him he was supposed to be dead.

Did this mean she'd see her parents again?

"What the _bloody hell_ are we thinking?" a growling voice suddenly cut the excited commotion, bringing silence. "I don't bloody care if Voldemort's dead, how did I let you jackasses convince me to expose myself in public, in full view - "

"Oh, lighten up, Alastor, there's cause for celebration!" Remus grinned broadly, slapping him on the shoulder.

Moody scowled at him. "Well, really, Remus, no more Firewhiskeys I think - I'm already feeling queer, like I've been sleeping for months! Where's my brandy?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling a little odd too." a quiet voice mumbled at Hermione's elbow. She jumped like she'd been shot and turned to fling her arms around Neville, and burst into delighted tears. He choked out confused protests, sounding terrified.

"What on earth is going on? Why is everyone so excited? Ouch - Harry, no offense, but get off me!"

"Sorry, Tonks."

"Ugh - I feel disoriented."

"Oh, lovely, just when we thought we were rid of you, Podmore."

"Eh?"

"Pay no heed to Severus, Sturgis, you've just been dead for over a year, that's all."

"WHAT?!"

"Ouch, I think my eardrums just burst from that multiple explosion."

"I agree with Hermione. Don't ever try to save my life by dying like that again, by the way. I'll _kill_ you!"

"Dear stars above, I'm confused."

"Why, George, you just sounded remarkably like my brother Aberforth - "

"_Forget_ Aberforth - what's all this about Sturgis dying? Minerva, I never thought you were a woman of Firewhiskeys - " 

(" - Heh, Everyone's going loopy, and I like it. It's about damned time there was some laughter again, George, this warrants some of our Wheezes - ")

"She isn't joking, yer moron Tonks, yer people have no idea what's bin goin' on 'round 'ere."

"You think you could tell us, Hagrid, because Hermione just sobbed buckets into my shoulder!"

"Calm down, Neville, I sympathize with you about how scary it is when 'Mione weeps into your shoulder - _ouch_ - sorry, sorry, 'Mione - but Neville, you might burst a blood vessel. No, forget that: _Moody_ might. Yeah, I think that's darn likely." 

"Ron, shut up, you git, they're trying to figure something out here."

"And taking their own time, I might add."

"REMUS, have pity, mate! It ain't everyday you here you've been buried in a coffin for a while!"

"Sorry, Sturgis. Yes, Moody, I apologize to you too, for whatever reason you think I must." 

"Wait, reverse the engines right now - Sturgis - you're saying he's been dead _too?_"

"_TOO?!_ Now hold it one bloody moment, how many of us have been dying around here as of late?"

"No need to get your knickers twisted, Moody - "

Harry nudged Hermione, chuckling; they were both unable to wipe the grins off their faces. 

"Where the _hell_ did these fireworks come from?"

"_Forget_ the damn fireworks - okay, I think this violet will do for the hair for now - damn it, do something, you twins, or the Muggles will be here in a flash and there goes my job at the Ministry - oh boy, you're not going to tell me I've lost my Auror job at the Ministry because I've been so-called dead? _Have_ been dead, as a matter of interest?"

"You haven't been _so-called_ dead! Hit-in-the-chest, Avada-Kadavra DEAD, is what we're talking about!"

"Don't point your wand at people when you say words like that, for Merlin's sake, Harry!" 

"DUMBLEDORE, EXPLAIN!"

Silence fell.

Dumbledore, his eyes dancing and his lips twitching uncontrollably as he listened to the mayhem indulgently, smiled fully now.

"Very well, but I must ask for silence, which means that as much as it pleases me to have you back with us, Mr Weasely, I must request that you remain dormant for a few more minutes. Now - apart from George Weasely and Sturgis Podmore, you, Moody, Tonks and Neville here have all been dead for the past year and varying months. Voldemort, until a few minutes ago, was seconds from destroying us all."

Snape looked positively disgusted. "Dumbledore, you're not seriously telling us that _Black_ - ?"

At Snape's words, Hermione's heart slammed hard into her ribs. Was that how everything had changed - how she somehow hadn't died? Had Sirius - 

_Sirius._

She had to get to the other cemetary, the one where James and Lily Potter had been buried. She had to go there!

Across the few remaining graves, her eyes met Remus's.

"Moody!" he yelled, startling everyone and interrupting Dumbledore. "Sorry, old chap, but I'm borrowing your broom."

"Yeah, Sturgis, gotta have yours." Hermione added, snatching it up.

"Why the - ?" But both Remus and Hermione were already mounting the brooms, and Hermione's heart was pounding so loudly that she was unaware of the fact that everyone, Harry and Ron included, were gawking at them in the liveliest astonishment.

"Let them go," Dumbledore said, his eyes suddenly twinkling again. "They have something to find out - and someone to search for. Let's hope the stars have been kind once more."

Hermione had never been a good flier, but she found herself streaking through the air, faster than even Remus, as they both tore through the thermals, over the clouds, swooping towards the cemetary that wasn't too far away.

They landed five minutes later. The cemetary was deserted and quiet, and the scattered tombs cast cool shadows over the graves, quelling the heat of the day. Withered flowers lay in bouquets or single on the various graves, and Hermione glanced at Remus as they both approached the Potters' grave site.

"There they are." She whispered.

James Potter.

Lily Potter.

"Do you think - ?"

We have to hope, Hermione." Remus squeezed her hand.

They moved around the nearest tomb and found themselves staring at an empty patch of grass. Something burst inside Hermione.

Then, like an even greater form of magic, they heard footsteps approaching and being accustomed to disappointment and pain as they were, half-expected to see Harry, carrying his Firebolt, walking towards them, but as they turned around, it wasn't Harry they saw.

The man was young-looking, handsome, with short (when in the past few months did he do _that_?) black hair and Muggle-like clothing that suited him. His deep brown eyes appeared to be taking in the surroundings with a mixture of confusion and elation and they slowly moved to rest on Hermione and Remus, standing there, frozen in place.

"Well." Remus managed to croak, his eyes showing every flicker of emotion.

A typical grin cracked the man's face. "Hey there." His eyes moved from Remus and Hermione felt a jolt as her eyes met his.

Somehow, she managed to speak.

"Hello, Sirius."

  
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TBC.   
  
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A/n: Chapter Eight - the last chapter - will be up soon! Enjoy!   



	8. Saviours

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series   
  
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.   
  
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~ Finding Myself ~   
  
Chapter Eight: Saviours   
  
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For a long moment, complete silence descended over the yard and the three sole occupants stood still, unable to move, unable to believe, unable to accept that they weren't dreaming.

"In the name of Merlin." Remus finally choked out. "You did it - Padfoot, you did it!" and his emotion finally getting the better of him, he hugged Sirius hard, tears filling his eyes at the sight of his best friend again - the best friend he'd thought was long dead . . .

"I wouldn't say _I_ did it, Moony," Sirius said quietly as they broke apart and he looked at Hermione again, who found that she still couldn't move. "If a certain someone hadn't let it - uh - _slip_ that Kreacher (the lowlife!) was the cause of the tragedy that set off a chain reaction, I would never have reminded you - do you remember, by the way? - that Kreacher had to be thrown out before number 12 became Headquarters."

Hermione gasped. "You remember?" she asked incredulously.

"For a long time, I've thought it was all a strange dream, until I found myself here - quite inexplicably - and realized my last memory was that of my spiffing cousin shooting green light into me. Then, quite suddenly, it was as if that memory wasn't even a memory anymore - I had new memories."

Hermione stared at him, and then glanced at Remus, and they both realized the same thing at the same time: they had new memories too. Of wands and spells and curses . . . of Neville _dodging_ the blast from a Death Eater's wand . . . of Sirius throwing himself at George and Hermione and knocking them out of the way of a deadly curse . . . of Hermione killing Bellatrix like she had and Harry _killing_Voldemort . . . 

The course of time had changed.

But instead of messing everything up, like they had always believed it would, it had somehow _saved_ them all.

"Moody, Tonks, George, Sturgis and Neville are alive." Remus said to Sirius, grinning broadly. "Thanks to the fact that you are too. It's a pity you couldn't save James and Lily too."

"_That_ would have screwed time up." Hermione murmured regretfully. "Somehow, what we've just done hasn't."

Remus faked a groan. "So I suppose I have to thank you, do I, Padfoot?" he smirked, his eyes dancing in a way they hadn't for a very long time.

"You're giving me too much credit, Moony." Sirius huffed with a chuckle. His expression changed as he looked at Hermione and she gulped; if he remembered, that meant he also remembered . . . "I did tell you I would never be able to forget." He reminded her softly.

"I - " she stammered, fighting for control, as Remus's lips twitched knowingly.

"Oh, come on, 'Mione, don't I at least get a hug because you're a _little_ happy to see me again?"

So much for control.

She flung her arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as he could. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close; she could feel his racing heartbeat and safe body heat, hard and strong and unchanged, and everything inside her sobbed with relief and ecstasy that she thought was lost to her forever.

She didn't ever want to let go, but she changed her mind in a way when he pulled away slightly, but only so that he could tilt her chin up like he had before and kiss her with even more longing than he had.

_Dear Heaven, age hasn't changed a thing!_

"Ahem." This time, the clearing throat was gentle and apologetic. "I hate to interrupt this, I honestly do, but the others will be waiting for us."

Hermione remembered that Remus was standing there, and cast one quick look at his twinkling eyes before burying her blushing face in the warm flesh at the base of Sirius's collar, highly embarrassed. Sirius laughed, and she felt his slightly stubbled jaw (very sexy jaw, at that) brush her hair as he looked up at Remus.

"I'm looking forward to seeing Harry again."

"They're all going to be ecstatic to see you again, Sirius, Harry in particular." Remus smiled. "Add to that the fact that you were brave enough to make the terrible choice of leaving us behind and returning, and then saving us all."

Sirius shook his head and Hermione lifted hers to finally look up at him. "That was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I don't know if I'd be able to do it again." He said, his voice husky. She swallowed and hugged him.

"So, maybe we should get on the brooms - I hope you have one, Sirius - no doubt there's going to be a celebration, despite Moody's objections - a special Order of the Phoenix feast - no, it won't be at Grimmauld Place, Sirius, so don't look at me like that."

Hermione laughed. "Do you think the others - the ones who weren't involved at all - will remember that some of us have died?" she asked, suddenly wondering.

They looked thoughtful. "I doubt it." Remus said, "Although you'll have to ask Dumbledore to know for sure. That man is truly omnipotent - is that the word? Never mind, I don't really care at this point. It's just good to have you back, Padfoot."

"I'll second that." Hermione grinned.

Sirius smirked and tingles shot through her body as his jaw brushed her ear as he murmured: "I do love you, you know. I have for a long time, past and present."

"I'm thrilled for both of you, I am, but not now!" Remus begged.

"Aww, are you feeling left out, Moony?" Sirius teased.

Hermione laughed. "Yeah, Remus, we love you too!"

The werewolf pretended to scowl. "I knew I was going to regret saying that." he grumbled.

  
***   


The 'feast' in the Hogwarts Room of Requirement lasted all day, and went right into the night. Food and Butterbeer seemed to stream in a constant flow from an inexplicable source, Weasely Wheezes Fireworks exploded at regular intervals, and despite Moody's regular protests and grumbling (that everyone could see were only half-hearted), it was impossible for anyone to be in anything but a good mood.

Harry could barely be pried off Sirius, and Hermione couldn't help but grin at his obvious delight; it was about time they were all given something to be happy about again. Across the room, Andromeda Tonks was beside herself with joy, laughing and sobbing over her disgusted yet grinning daughter, and she would occasionally join Harry and give her deserving cousin a hug.

The Weaselys were there too - except for Percy who wasn't a member of the Order and was therefore not under the Disillusionment Charm (which Dumbledore confessed to Hermione was what he'd used to ensure that they remembered the true events). Molly and Arthur were fawning over George who was trying valiantly to escape, and Ron, Fred, Charlie and Ginny were having an Enchanted Pillow fight (the Room was truly miraculous!).

Near the table, Neville's grandmother, Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore were patiently listening to Moody's complaints and warnings and tales of woe, while Hagrid, Bill Weasely and Neville were howling with laughter at something Mundungus Fletcher (all the members of the Order had turned up) was telling them.

Even Professor Snape, Hermione could see, was controlling his inner bitterness and sharp tongue and allowing a moment of enjoyment as he exchanged anecdotes about a topic she was unaware of with Sturgis Podmore and Remus, who had just joined them after playing a game of Exploding Snap with Harry and Sirius.

And she, Hermione Elena Granger, stood by the Butterbeer tureen, leaning against the wall, watching them all - Sirius in particular - with a feeling of unfamiliar content. She'd spent the afternoon with her parents (who were, of course, under no influence of remembering their deaths, and were therefore rather astonished to receive a visit from their daughter, who'd only left for school a few weeks before). Now, she was back at the castle, in the Room, with these people who were her family and her friends and her future.

"Excuse me!" Arthur Weasely's voice suddenly cut the banter. "Excuse me, can I have everyone's attention please?"

"It better be good, Arthur, 'cause Dung was jus' tellin' us 'bout some new platinum-plated cauldrons that he - " Hagrid hastily broke off at the expression on Moody's face. "Jus' a joke, Moody, jus' a joke, Dung ain't done nothin' - "

"As I was saying," Mr Weasely continued, beaming around. "Molly and I were just looking at the photograph of the original Order of the Phoenix, and being back here, I thought it would be a good idea if we took another picture - of the _new_ Order of the Phoenix. And the picture might as well have Ginny, Neville and Andromeda in it as well, because they're mascots anyway."

"Oh gee, thanks, Arthur. A mascot, am I, while my daughter's official?"

"It's a great idea, Dad!"

"But where will we get a camera from _right_ now?" Someone asked. "We can't exactly conjure Muggle-based devices, remember?"

Hermione grinned as Arthur coughed self-deprecatingly. "I - well - I actually - ?"

"Arthur, you _didn't!_" Molly groaned.

Apparently, he had, because the next moment, a camera from produced from the folds of Mr Weasely's cloak and there was a storm of cheering, through which Molly and Moody stirred, torn between disapproval and indulgence.

"All right, I think I must take the liberty of taking this picture - there are far too many of me around anyway," Dumbledore winked at Hermione, who chuckled. "Arthur, the camera." It was handed over and the members of the Order began to troop towards the back wall of the room. "Minerva, Arthur, Sturgis, Dorcas - yes, you tall ones, perhaps you could form the back row. Hagrid, you too, and Moody, if you'd be so kind as you have Fawkes on your shoulder . . . yes, beautiful. Well, Andromeda, you and Mrs Longbottom behind Ginny and Nymphadora, Bill between Severus and Fred - , Remus, Sirius, next row - Harry, in front, next to Neville - Hermione, you and Ron beside Harry, please, in front of Sirius and Remus - that's right - Molly, you too, in front - "

Eventually, some form of order and neatness was achieved amongst the mess of witches and wizards of various sizes and Dumbledore took the picture. Then, Arthur extracted himself from the back and replaced himself with Dumbledore, taking another picture.

Everyone wanted copies.

Then, Dumbledore said, smiling gently at them all: "I think, as we're all in the spirit of loyalty and nostalgia, it would only be right, I think, to remember the members of the Order and other brave fighters and innocents who can't be here tonight because they were lost - in a manner of speaking - years ago. We're all heroes here tonight, but I think it's time to also remember the saviours who made our battles possible and allow their spirits to lie with us in our celebration tonight."

There was unanimous agreement, and everyone fell silent again, this time a slightly solemn silent that was not depressed, but more in the spirit of remembrance.

Dumbledore didn't need a roll of parchment to remember the names of the people who had been true to their cause and their war, so he spoke the list quietly but with real emotion:

__

Elphias Dodge,   
Gideon and Fabian Prewett,   
Frank and Alice Longbottom,   
James and Lily Potter,   
Cedric Diggory . . .

Once it was done, they continued with the 'party' with renewed vigour, each doing it not only for themselves and for their companions, but for their lost 'comrades', their predecessors and the friends they had lost.

Hermione couldn't help but feel something nagging at her, and when she saw Sirius talking to Dumbledore, she felt curiosity get the better of her and went over to them.

"Professor Dumbledore? Can I ask you something?"

"Certainly, Hermione." His bright blue eyes twinkled.

"Well - you know, how you ask me how I was doing and I mentioned that I had told Sirius - younger Sirius - that Kreacher had caused a real tragedy for us - well, you seemed slightly pleased that I had. I guess I can see why, but I don't understand why you didn't cast a _complete_ Memory Charm on him."

Sirius nodded. "She's got a good point, Dumbledore. Magical Law states that we _cannot_ mess with the balance of time or alter _anything_ because we could destroy the present and the future. Why'd you risk that?"

Dumbledore smiled. "I know what Magical Law states, and I know that altering the time balance can destroy time itself. But I saw something in this situation and I realized something new, and so I did it. I had to send you back with some knowledge, Sirius, because it was the only hope we had. The past had to be changed to save the future."

  
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~THE END~   
  
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A/N: And another story comes to an end. This fic is kind of A/U, I suppose (as of now), but I had to have a happy ending and some attempt at closure after what happened in OOTP. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this story and I'm thinking about a sequel . . . no promises. Thanks for all the reviews!   
  
Luv,   
ViXeN   
  
_P.S - Padfoot lives forever!_   



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